Date a Live Asama, Aoi style
by Uncle.Dragon
Summary: Outrageous sass runs in the Aoi family, be it starting war on the World for the life of a mechanical girl or a lesbian date.


The majority of Musashi's population think the Aois' family sass would only get worse with age.

As children, Toori and Kimi restrains themselves somewhat to be polite, but as adults? They had been transformed into, separately or perhaps both, an entity of sass and a smart-alec.

* * *

"So, Asama... when do you think you'll have an afternoon free?"

Kimi hooked her arm over the back of the chair. With a smile like a hungry possum's, she tossed her head to flip back her bangs, making her impressive bosoms to jiggle, and raised her eyebrows in expectancy. "Let me see," Tomo Asama, her brother Toori's serious as ever magical aide, says in a flat tone. She flattened her palm in front of Kimi's face to refer to an imaginary calendar. "When will I have a free afternoon? To spend with you, I assume?" She skimmed the finger of her other hand down her palm. "Ah. Here we go. Never."

Kimi's smile fell flat.

She recovered after a moment, cranking up her swagger.

Kimi leaned forward and twisted to sit sideways in the chair. Her grin widening, she pushed her heel over the carpet until the side of her foot brushed Tomo's. As if Kimi were as innocent as a stunning angel she claims to be, she hummed, looked away, and began to rub her foot against the side of Tomo's leg, who simply stared at the wall hollowly.

"C'mon, Asama." Kimi raised her leg higher until her foot touched Tomo's knee, she rubbed with more persistence until her toe snagged the hem of her skin-tight leggings.

"You gotta have time to do something with me sometime. Or..."

Kimi's glare turned venomous next.

"...are you just making excuses?"

"Would I ever do that?" Tomo drawled. She reached under the table to shove Kimi's foot away, her heel collided with the floor with a solid thump, after which Kimi hissed and scrunched up like a startled turtle. After recovering again, Kimi snarled at Tomo with fiery eyes that sparked like live coals, Tomo then sighed.

"Kimi, we're not little kids anymore. You've had plenty of time to figure things out. You can't force people to spend time with you, y'know? And," she adds, "...you can't force people to go out with you, either. It doesn't take a genius to know that 'no' is _**no**_."

Kimi slumped as though she had just been clocked on the back of her head, she sagged low on her chair, deflating with a loud, drawn-out groan. "So you really think that's the whole problem? I think you're being a selfish brat."

"A selfish brat?" Tomo repeated as though the words were alien, she next screwed her face into a dubious scowl. "Why would you say that?"

"Because you are," Kimi said as she sulked. "You always blow me off, even after all this time. Ever since we were kids I've wanted to take you out. I've always wanted to; you've been a bigger challenge than anyone else. If I could score just _**one**_ date with you, every boy and girl in the Divine States would be so jealous they couldn't stand it. But as much of a catch as you are, you waste it all by never going out with anyone? Never going out with me, the fabulous Kimi Belle Flore Aoi; even though you never have anything better to do other than cooping up here as a goody-two-shoes Shrine Maiden?"

Kimi scoffed and squeezed her arms tighter over her bosoms. "Sounds pretty selfish to me."

Tomo watched Kimi in disbelief for a long time. The only sound was the steady ticking of the clock over the doorway. At last, Tomo shook her head, her larger breasts jiggling by the motion.

"I could say the same exact thing to you."

Kimi cast a withering glare sideways.

"We're twenty-two now, Kimi. Adults. It's one thing to have always chased me down like an idiot when we were kids. But now it's just disgusting. You're not going to wear me down or make me change my mind. I don't care what you think of me. I'm not interested in you like that. You're my friend, sure. But I'd rather eat hot desert sand for the rest of my life than go out with you."

"You've always been direct, haven't you?" Kimi said snidely and huffed. "You've never even given me a chance."

"True. I didn't give you a _ **single**_ chance. Yeah right, its more like a million if you ask me." Tomo shrugged, leaned back primly to push out her assets, and with her eyes closed, she laced her hands on her lap. Tomo then adds this in a far too casual manner, "You're not going to make me reconsider, Kimi. I just don't like you."

Kimi stayed with her arms folded over her front, sunk low in her chair.

Kimi pouted, her half-shut eyes fixed on the wall. She remained that way for a long time, before finally giving a puff of a humorless laugh that never brought along a smile.

"Ouch," Kimi said, turning her head to gaze up at Tomo. She swiped her finger over her heart in a 'X' "I'll need stitches after this. Way to be subtle, Sniper Maiden."

Tomo didn't bother to admonish Kimi for the nickname.

She watched Kimi with the faintest shadow of pity festering just above her stomach.

Whenever Kimi Aoi shifted from argumentative to joking, Tomo knew that her words had hit their mark. Kimi, like her brother Toori, never liked to show any glints of weakness, even more so after losing dear Horizon once over a decade ago.

"Come on, Kimi," Tomo said, more gently than before. "It's not completely your fault. I mean, I wouldn't date you even if I were the most town-traveling person on earth. But I've never wanted to be with anyone at this moment. You know that's not my thing. And if you really did care about me, you'd actually listen and stop bothering me when I tell you that."

"Sure," Kimi sighed out, then looked longingly at Tomo. Her tired gaze swept up and down, examining with a tired sort of interest. Kimi then scowled and pulled her jacket tighter around her shoulders.

"It's a selfish crying shame you want to keep to yourself," Kimi said. "And I'll never be okay with that. In fact, I think it's stupid and greedy. But," she added before Tomo could protest, "...if there's really ever going to be a chance..."

"We've discussed this at least two thousand times. There's not a chance and there never will be."

Kimi slumped at Tomo's reply as if burdened by the weight of rejection. "Right. Right. Since there's never going to be a chance, I guess that frees me up to check out other people, doesn't it?"

"Really?" Tomo blinked and recoiled as if struck. "Just like-" Tomo snaps her fingers, ''-that? You'll actually stop bugging me to date you and hunt down someone else? Just like THAT?"

"Sure." Kimi folded her arms behind her neck and leaned back, tipping the chair onto its rear legs. "Why should I miss out on good times just because you're a deadpan mannequin who doesn't like fun? I'm not going to lose any chances because of someone like you. I might have liked you since as long as I can remember and all, but a _**no**_ from you isn't going to break me down, I hope you know. Not all that much was riding on it. You're not THAT important to this magnificent Kimi Elsa Aoi anyways."

Tomo looked down at her lap. A faint ghost of a smile slid over her face, creasing the bottoms of her eyes, Tomo then rubbed her thumbs together in little circles.

"You know, I never thought I'd be grateful to hear something like that." Tomo raises her head then turning to Kimi, she tilted her head until her hair ruffled against her cheek. "I never would have guessed you'd actually give it up."

"Shut up," Kimi, who looked at the ceiling said in such haughtiness, her cheek bulged when she nudged her tongue into it.

"So... really, you won't be upset if I try for other people? Like... it's okay with you? I have your permission?"

Tomo felt surprised. She squinted at Kimi as if expecting a prank, a retraction, a practical joke of some sort.

"Why would you ask permission from me?" Tomo replied, the words slow and thick with confusion. "You always do whatever you want to anyway."

Tomo paused to notice a sneer tugging up half of Kimi's mouth.

"Of course you have my permission. By all means. Go hook up with that _**Foolish Brother**_ of yours if it'll get you away from me. I don't care whose back pockets you chase, as long as they're not mine."

As if she had just gotten a royal decree of acceptance from a queen, Kimi straightened her posture. Her grin stretched so far across her face it nearly split her cheeks, turning them red with excitement. "Really? You're fine with it?"

When Tomo nodded nonchalantly, Kimi swung her legs off the chair and scooted off it. Her long, wavy copper hair brushing over the wooden seat. Kimi adjusted the lapels of her jacket with a jerk, crammed the wrinkled parts off her suit, and bolted down the hall.

Tomo then propped her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands to stifle a moan. "God help whatever poor stupid idiot she targets next."

* * *

After a moment of silence, Tomo sighed, she closed her legs, settled in the chair, and tugged a magazine from the rack before thumbing through it. The soft light from the lamp and the clinking of Toori washing dishes created a pleasant ambiance within the Blue Thunder cafe in the middle of winter. Tomo enjoyed it, relaxing while skimming an article about overpopulation of venomous snakes.

A china plate banged suddenly as though someone had slammed it into a counter. "What did you just say?" Tomo jolted at the unexpected sound of Toori's voice, almost losing her grip on her magazine. "Absolutely not." Toori's voice sounded a pitch higher and strained. '' _ **Absolutely**_ not, o Wise Sister! You've been at it long enough. Don't even think about it. There is no way, Sis!" Tomo felt her heart plummet into her heels. Her fingers numbed until they were icy. She cast the magazine aside, vaulted off the chair, and darted for the kitchen. She clung to the door frame and balanced on her tiptoes, swaying a bit. When she leaned in, Tomo's mouth went dry as cardboard.

Kimi stood propped against the wall, her ankles crossed. One hand sagged in the pocket of her jacket. Her expression would have fit perfectly on the face of Shirojiro Bertoni preparing to deliver a monologue on the qualities of a Reliant Robin. Kimi looked down at her younger brother, and somehow seemed taller than ever.

"Come on, Foolish Brother. Think about it. We're siblings. You've known me forever. Why not just one time? Your Wise Sister here'll take you to dinner. Two courses, plus dessert, on me. You don't even have to call it a date. It'll be fun."

Toori snapped off his rubber gloves, bunched them in his fist, and pressed his knuckles against his hip. He stood square in front of Kimi, his feet apart as he bent forward in a way that was almost threatening.

"I'm not going _**anywhere**_ with you. I wouldn't get a pizza with you. I know I'm good-looking and popular, of course you'd want to have me hanging onto your elbow, but I'll get a heatstroke in Antarctica before I'm caught at dinner with you, especially by Horizon." He paused, then barged on: "Why am I even arguing? There's not even a chance. You're my sister!"

Armed with this defense, Toori looked as content and satisfied as a cat full of cream. He locked his arms over his chest and tipped back his head in self-righteous victory.

Kimi, however, was unfazed by this harangue. She surveyed her brother with interest, twisting her fist in her pocket. All at once, she seemed smug, as though she were savoring information that nobody else had.

"You know, Foolish Brother," Kimi said in a musing way, "I am legal."

Toori's smile dropped. The impact was almost audible. All the color drained from his cheeks and down his collar until he was pale as an egg. He swallowed.

Kimi waited. Her eyebrows crept higher up her forehead before settling over her eyes in a mooning sort of way.

"I..." Toori stuttered like shy little Suzu in a school play "...I, well, that's... that's no excuse! You–"

Kimi's smirk went lopsided. She popped her fist from her pocket and held up two fingers. "Le-gal."

"I don't care!" Toori's composure unraveled like a spool of yarn. He windmilled his arms through the air in exasperation. "I wouldn't care if you were a hundred and two. It's– it's the principle of things. I've known you since I am a baby, Wise Sister, you were there when Mother gave birth to us. I've tolerated you constantly pestering me and Horizon about things, but that was before I knew you were serious!"

Kimi pretended to examine her cuffs, as if Toori's panicked shouting held no more importance than that of a mosquito buzzing. She looked up just long enough to say, "Legal."

"Kimi, that's quite enough nonsense! I don't want to hear another word!"

Kimi's brown eyes shone from behind her bangs. Her smile oozed over her face like warm molasses in July.

A pale Toori helped himself to several steps backward, retreating until his back bumped against the wall. When his shoulders struck the plaster, he lost his breath and staggered a bit. Without thinking, Tomo shot from her hiding place, flounced behind Toori and flung her arms around his middle to hold him steady. At the unexpected contact of two large 'pillows' from behind, Toori yelped and went rigid as a flagpole.

"Calm down, Toori," Tomo said. At the sound of Kimi's amused snickering, she winced. The thought of her childhood friend being forced to endure his ridiculous sister's roving gazes and sly comments made her blood turn to cold jelly. On impulse, Tomo draped her arm around Toori's shoulders in a vaguely protective gesture, drew him closer to her side, and scowls this to Kimi.

"Kimi is definitely not serious,"

Kimi snapped back in surprise, her eyes widening like kettle lids. Tomo continues, "She'd never really try to make you do anything gross like go out with her. Even she's not that stupid."

Kimi didn't even manage to protest.

"Are you sure?" Toori's attention shifted from Tomo to Kimi and back. Suspicion made him leer. "Is this some kind of joke?" When he turned to Tomo, he became all at once pleading. "Don't tell me you're in on this, Asama, I swear I'll––"

"Oh, Toori. I wouldn't do that." When Toori averted her gaze, Tomo deepened his scowl and mouthed, "You better play along." Toori stiffened like new leather.

Tomo bent closer to Toori and rested her cheek against the right of Toori's face. "Your sister's terrible, I know. And she's rude, and stupid, and selfish, but you don't have to worry about her actually being into you. She's just kidding. Right, Kimi?"

Whether stricken by a sudden streak of malice, or nudged by a devil, Kimi drew back haughtily and thrust her hands deeper into her pockets. "Kidding? Who says I'm just ki––"

A stab of panic drove white-hot into Tomo's gut. Sweat scorched her palms.

 _She wouldn't._

 _There's no way she'd try to make things worse after I'm trying to get her out of trouble. There's no–wait._

 _This is Kimi Aoi, older sister of Toori Aoi, who had declared war on the entire world to save one Automated Doll. Of course she is!_

"Kimi would never come onto you, Toori," Tomo blurted, the words rushing out in a gluey tangle. "She wouldn't; she's supposed to save that for only me!"

One could have heard a cotton wad hit the linoleum.

Kimi stared. Her jaw hung open like a limp puppet's. Toori jerked his head to the side with a wry grin so fast that vertebrae cracked. Both siblings watched Tomo as though she were a specimen on display.

Tomo held her breath. If only she hadn't send Umetsubaki for Annual Repairs, or if she had even a single bow with a quiver of arrows, perhaps she would have been less embarrassed by how a sudden rush of tears turned her red and green heterochromic eyes into puddles. She gulped back the scratchiness in her throat and tried to ignore how her face burned.

"Um... yeah," she muttered, merely to break the silence.

Tomo tensed; her voice had turned husky. Both Aoi siblings leaned forward in interest, as intent as a hound listening for the rustling of a rabbit in a field. Tomo struggled to explain: "I mean, um, Kimi is... a loyal friend. She wouldn't really dump hitting on me for you, Toori, not after this long. In fact-"

Tomo choked back the bile that scalded her throat and soured the back of her tongue "...Kimi was just telling me how much she likes my... my company. So she'd never turn around and start on you. Your sister's awful, but she's above that." Toori squinted at Tomo for a long time. Finally, he ducked his head, took Tomo's hand, and lifted her arm from around his shoulders.

"I should have assumed as much. But I can never tell with my Wise Sister." Toori sniffed in disdain and stepped away to whisk the wrinkles from his vest. "People don't change easily. But if either of you ever pull a joke like that again, I'll call Mother in a heartbeat. I've put up with enough of one Horizon in my lifetime to have to worry about another fine ass."

"Oh, you don't have to worry, Foolish Brother," Kimi said, having made a prompt and full recovery. "I won't be asking favors from you any time soon." she worked her mouth into a sly, fox like grin. "I have everything I need."

Tomo turned on her heel and surged out of the kitchen to deposit herself on the sofa before her knees buckled. Before she could swing into the parlor, however, a cool shadow washed behind her. Tomo's heart turned to mush behind her ribs. Fingers pressed on her large breasts, and the palm on her nipples, Tomo squeaked as Kimi dragged her closer, and froze solid when a feminine voice breathed down her neck, "So, what was that you were saying?" Kimi said, who hummed while she jostled Tomo. "I save what for you, exactly?"

"Shut up." Tomo pried Kimi's hands off her bosoms. "When you told me that you were going to chase other people like your brother, I didn't mean it literally! I wouldn't ever want Toori to be as embarrassed by things you say as I am. If I ever had to see him crammed in a booth with you at a restaurant – or you trying to lay one finger on him – I think I'd die. You can do whatever you want to me, but don't you dare ever touch Toori."

Having delivered herself of this, Tomo stood, breathing heavily. Tomo then swept away the pieces of hair that dangled in front of her face and lowered her fist until it pressed against her leg.

For some reason, Kimi didn't seem intimidated or frightened or even remorseful. Her eyes were half-shut, glinting with subdued mischief.

"Was that an invitation or an offer?" Kimi asked, as she raised an eyebrow.

All at once, Tomo realized her blunder. Her throat closed.

"Because if it's neither, my Foolish Brother is still in the kitchen." She pinched her fingers together in the air. Tomo struggled to maintain composure as she stammered, "Call it a... a compromise."

Kimi shrugged. "Works for me." Her smirk cut deeper into her face. "You know, that offer of dinner and dessert still stands."

"Thanks, that's just great. Wonderful." Tomo slouched and heaved a deep breath, nearly deflating. A minute of silent lamenting passed before Tomo asks quietly, "Are you still paying? I'll consider as long as you give me the same courtesy you were going to give your brother."

Kimi thought this over. "Well, I guess I'll still pay, but–"

"I meant the thing about us not even having to call it a date."

"O-h-h." Kimi scrubbed the crook of her forefinger under her chin as she ruminated this option. "Well, if it means you'll go out with me, I don't care what we call it. Call it a circus for all I care."

Tomo stared at Kimi, unimpressed. Tomo folded her arms and settled her weight on one foot.

"Oh, fine," Kimi said. She dug out her wallet, flipped it open, and thumbed through the thin stack of bills. "What if I said I'd take you to that new French cuisine restaurant uptown? That's by the way, where Neito has been stuffing her cheeks with her mommy, the Werewolf Queen's cooking."

"And we're not calling it a date?"

"Unless you want to."

Tomo snorted. "Yeah, that's not happening. Give me five minutes and I'll be ready." She turned to the cafe entrance, before freezing in place. Tomo directed her attention to Kimi once again.

"I'm only doing this for a free meal, I hope you know." Kimi shrugged, spreading her arms wide. "Hey, that's fine with me. A date's a date."

Tomo watched her for a moment, and finally continued her departure back to her house in the snow. The floor creaked, and a door slammed. Kimi stood rooted to the ground for only an instant before sifting from her blissful reverie. She cast a glance down the hall, then another furtive one at the snow covered street.

It would be awhile before Tomo was ready.

And Toori by now is nowhere to be seen.

So Kimi knew of only one way at least in which to pass the time. In increments, she began to edge toward the kitchen.

"Oh, HORIZON!"


End file.
